I've been in a lot of hotels, and it wouldn't be practical or all that interesting to write about all of them here. Instead, I'm keeping this section strictly to hotels who's bed I've been in, that I can remember, and that I am not entirely ashamed to admit to. As with anything on my site, my reviews are only pseudo reviews. While you may learn something through what I've decided to share, and I hope you do, it's meant mostly for entertainment value. Enjoy.
Bacara Resort
8301 Hollister Avenue
Santa Barbara, California 93117
It wasn't exactly easy to find, but once I got there, my first thought was "Oohhhh, money!", or in more mature words, "How exquisite!" The gigantic fountain was nice decor in in the circular driveway filled with Lamborghini's, Mercedes and various other sport and luxury cars. Denis Miller and company made an appearance in the driveway as well. The grounds are of impressive size and there's nothing but space, glorious space. Once you check in, (or once you have your boy toy check in while you observe the castle made entirely of goodies the pastry chef cooked up) you are taken to your villa style room by cart. The rooms are cute and warm, although a little too cozy for my taste. My companion and I upgraded our room upon check in and although it was nice, it was still fairly small. Do not expect any privacy. These are not the rooms to be stuck if you value your bathroom discretion! The website refers to the resort as serene, and it has the potential to be just that. Unfortunately, this resort is very kid friendly and I went on a long weekend when every parent in central California decided to bring their kids there for family time. It's not that I don't like kids. I love them...as long as I don't have to see them, talk to them, hear them smell them or be anywhere near them. That particular weekend, I had to do all of the above. It completely peeved me that I couldn't get in such a beautiful pool because it was full of spashing, hollering children the entire time I was there. And I was bummed that when I went into the play room to play air hockey with my friend, the little boy butted into our game and practically kicked me out of the room because HE wanted to be my friends opponent. The complimentary wine tasting in the courtyard in the afternoons kind of made up for that though as well as the nice guy who drove his golf cart around to display his exotic birds to anyone who was interested in looking. The bees that swarm around the outdoor dining area were incredibly distracting but if you take a newspaper with you and if you have a good aim, it might be worth going as the view from the terrace is quite nice. Overall, it's a nice place and one that could potentially be romantic, but from my experience, it would be a better place to go with the family than to go with your date.
The Beverly Hills Hotel and Bungalows
9641 Sunset Boulevard
Beverly Hills, CA. 90210, USA
1.310.276.2251
http://www.thebeverlyhillshotel.com/
The Beverly Hills Hotel is the host of a few popular lounges, some beautiful bungalows, constant parties and events and nice rooms. It's rich in character and the guests are a combination of wealthy locals and visitors with a little extra spending money than the average tourists. I've had a few of my favorite companion experiences here and have nothing negative to say about the hotel except that the streets surrounding it tend to be a bit confusing (hello, 8 way stop!). It's not easy to find your way around if you are so unfortunate to drive yourself there. But really, who drives themself to the Beverly Hills Hotel? This one gets my full approval. An extend review is to come.
Beverly Wilshire
9500 Wilshire Boulevard
Beverly Hills , CA. 90212 U.S.A.
1.310.275.5200
http://www.fourseasons.com/beverlywilshire/
Glamorous, daahling, just glamorous... except for the rooms. Go to say that you've stayed at "The Pretty Woman Hotel" (it's where the movie was shot). Go for the convenience to Rodeo Drive. Go to experience Wolfgang Puck's Michelin Star awarded Cut... Go to have drinks made by a real bartender who knows how to make a real drink. But don't go for the rooms. You may be disappointed. Extended review is on it's way, I just have to finish ogling from my patio dining table at The Blvd. Lounge as the paparazzi follow Heidi Klum down the street...
Borgata
One Borgata Way
Atlantic City, NJ, 08401
www.theborgata.com
The view from room 4555 was pretty incredible. I literally stared for hours out at the water and what looked like, from that height, a little colorful village down below. The bathroom was large enough to throw a small cocktail party in. But like any hotel and casino, even one with a fancy name, the place was just a little... cheesy. It's not cheesy in that Jacuzzi- in- the- room- across- from- the- bed- sort of way. It's just casino cheesy. But in it's defense, it's said to be the nicest hotel in Atlantic City. I'm not sure if that's saying much, but that's what it is.
Beware that the tables in the hallway are not there to be sat on. They are not sturdy and should you decide to decorate them with your derriere, they will go tipping over with you. Considering the size of the tables, this is a bit frightening.
The cocktail chicks are pretty cute although the size of some of their racks honestly frightened me. I'm not sure why anybody needs breasts that size or what you do with them. Regardless, the girls they belonged to were cute and friendly.
I'm not in a hurry to go back, but if I went again, I would want to stay in room 4055. There's something about a good view that makes everything else secondary.
Say the name three times fast, if you're bored. Borgata, Borgata, Borgata! It's just fun.
The Dorchester
Park Lane
London, England, W1K 1QA
44 20 7629 8888
Mayfair's exquisite Park Lane hotel has a reputation for providing service to the wealthy and most demanding of guests, but despite it's chichi appearance and reputation, it's not at all too stuffy. The balance of elegance and glamour and warmth and style give it high points with me. It could also be that I have fond memories of good company and wine in the bar (simply called "the bar") and exposure to a rather exotic and authentic Cantonese food at China Tang downstairs. The rooms are typical of a 5 star hotel aimed for a more sophisticated guest list, and their service, both in room and out is fast and excellent. This is a truly beautiful hotel that I wouldn't mind at all spending a lot more time at.
The Encore (At the Wynn)
3131 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV 89109
The rooms are mildly Asian-ish and I alost didn't feel like I was staying in a hotel in Vegas, with the exception of the booming bass that started around 9pm and lasted utill I got out of the shower at 5:30am. I'm not sure exactly where it was coming from, but I'm thinking it was probably from the party happening somewhere around the pool outside and below my window. And yes, I was in a good room, as one tends to get put in good rooms when one requests an upgrade for booking their travel plans with a Centurion card. The room was fun and cozy but if you know how I feel about Vegas then you know that I really can't give a good review on any hotel located withing the city limits. Even the best ones, like the Wynn and it's "elite" tower the Encore still suffer from the chincy-ness of Vegas. My foodie friend, the one who taught me what a Micheline star is and refuses to take me anywhere less than superior, was excited to take me to Daniel Boulud Brasserie for dinner. He had high expectations of it and was terribly embarassed when I (and my inferior palate and knowledge) told him that the place and the food was crap. I refused to eat my meal (he observed it himself and didn't blame me for my disinterest). Several times we were interrupted by that ridiculous water "show" that took place right outside the dining room (the patio doors were open) and the obnoxious "music" that went along with it made me a little ashamed that people in this hemisphere of the world actually call this "entertainment". We quickly left back to our room and discussed how fortunate it was that we snacked on tuna tartare and a cheese plate earlier. We went to the bar upon check in, and while we were greeted by a cue, smiling, red head, our service was slow and the bartender was unfriendly. If I had to stay in Vegas, I would prefer to stay here, just because the rooms are nicer than any other Vegas room I've experienced and the rates of the Wynn make it slightly more out of reach to the common vacationer, which an elitist like myself appreciates. However, if I had my way, I would not be staying in Vegas at all.
The Hudson Hotel
356 West 58th Street
New York City, NY 10019.
www.hudsonhotel.com
Sexy, youthful and fun, the Hudson offers a variety of niches for a guest to find their entertainment in. This is a nice place to play, and if you are fortunate enough to stay in one of the two massive penthouse "apartments", it's a pretty nice place to sleep as well. Staying in one of these rooms, you wouldn't even know you're in a hotel. One of the many things I like about this 3 star venue is the mirrors. They do love their mirrors here, and in the small rooms, they happen to be against the bed, which could inspire some fun. I also admire the sheer curtain that separates the sleeping nook from the entrance and bathroom. Both features are a nice way to add atmosphere and the appearance of space to an otherwise all-too-cramped room. If you're staying in the penthouse, there are still massive mirrors and wispy curtains, but the small comment doesn't apply. Nothing is these rooms are cramped. Invite 100 of your friends and throw a party. Try not to get lost in the hallways.
The Hudson is owned by the Morgans Hotel Group, a collection of a variety of stylish places, including The Delano in Miami (one of my favorites) and the Mondrian in LA (an eternally hip place to be seen). Surprisingly, the room rates begin at about $300 a night, making a stay here both fun and affordable.
The Island Hotel
690 Newport Center Drive
Newport Beach, CA. 92660
They use all the right language in their self-description, “discerning, leisure, exceptional, impeccable.” Yes, this hotel appeals to those with exquisite tastes... Um, exaggeration anyone? The hotel isn’t bad. I’ll give it that. I had a pleasant overnight stay here and the overall vibe was friendly enough. The pool area in the middle of the hotel was very island-esque, which was fitting for the name as well as something different to look at (it's not often that I see tropical poolsides in the middle of the city). In the morning you can fetch complimentary tea and coffee in the oversized lobby. In the evening, live entertainment turns the Palm Terrace Lounge into a party place. My corner suite was spacious and quiet with a nice terrace overlooking…er…the mall. But despite the features that I liked, like the fabulous L’Occitane product they provide or the full size vanity for ladies who like to primp, this hotel, like so many others, hosts an overall style that is outdated and somewhat boring. Other than the fact that it’s located in one of California’s wealthiest neighborhoods and that it’s of considerable size, it really doesn’t strike me to be the luxurious hotel that it tries to sell itself as. For an extra couple hundred dollars, I’d make a short trip to the nearby Montage instead, which is unarguably luxurious. However, if I were to be in the neighborhood anyway, if I didn’t feel like driving and if I was up for some live music or a nice poolside day, this is a place that I would consider.
The Lanesborough
SW1X 7TA
London, UK
Phone: (44) (20) 7259 5599
Besides it's prestigious address and the fact that it actually offers privately butlered rooms that cost more per night than some people's automobiles, I enjoy the Lanesborough for several other reasons. Located in Hyde Park corner, it's regal presence rests across from the Apsley house, right on the corner of a tube station, which makes it incredibly easy to access from the Piccadilly Line. In addition to that, every time I've been there, I've felt at ease. The decor is all Regency period pieces and as stuffy as can be expected in a 5 star British hotel. In this case, however, this doesn't turn me off. I like the fact that it's one of the crème de la crème. There has never been a crowd. Only a handful of people have been in the Withdrawing Room, or the Library Bar when I've gone for a visit. Having a private conversation or a little quite time to relax away from the potential hustle of a more ordinary hotel is easy. A history enthusiast may be interested in knowing the history of the hotel. Before being converted into a housing facility, moved and then returned when eventually being taken over by Starwood Hotels, it was actually a hospital known as St. George's. Gastronomes will probably be interested in knowing about the restaurant Apsleys, Heinz Beck's first restaurant outside of Italy. Treat fiends might like to know that mineral water, fresh fruit and tea (of course) are abundant and replenished daily, and for those who work odd hours, 24 hour non-limited room service is available. The mood here is just that - moody and dark, yet at the same time, it's quiet, pleasant, pristine and perhaps surprisingly friendly. Never have I encountered an attitude from the staff here. I do recommend a stay, should you encounter an opportunity.
The London NYC
151 West 54th Street
New York, NY 10019
Sexy, chic, rich, but not at all stuffy. The London is 5 star, but not in the typical "my rich grandmother would love this place" sort of way. It's a great place for a sexy evening, as the pretty waitresses in the diner-esque (but way cooler) London Bar serve tasty nibbles and a solid Ketel Martini. If one chooses, one can take advantage of the dining experience offered there by Michelin star chef Gordon Ramsey. The room service is hugely overpriced, but then again, you are paying for the food from an award-winning menu.
The rooms that I have stayed in are large, offering a living room, a sleeping area, and a spacious bathroom with a little closet and luggage nook. They furniture isn't exactly plush, and the sheets are those too stiff, noisy kind of sheets that hotels so often have, but the comfortable, modern vibe makes up for it.
Take note that there are mirrors, mirrors, and glorious mirrors in the suites, which can provide some dirty-fun entertainment between you and your company, if you're into that sort of thing. And they are ever so cleverly placed. Also, every room I've had has looked straight into office buildings. So not only can guests place themselves in front of a mirror and watch themselves.. ahem...do whatever they may find themselves doing...they can also look out of their window to watch other people do what other people do when they think they aren't being watched. The London is a gastronomic voyeurs dream come true.
1020 N. San Vicente Blvd. West Hollywood, CA. 90069 1.866.282.4560 www.thelondonwesthollywood.com
If you are visiting the West Hollywood Location, make sure to keep your eyes open wide. The hotel is hidden away in a not so obvious corner. This location is similar to The London NY, but with a lot more rooftop action. The pool and outdoor lounges will be winners once this hotel is completely finished. It's open for business now, but just know that there is still some polishing that needs to be done.
My server informed me that the very busy Gordon Ramsay stops into his kitchen here from time to time. I had the tuna and swordfish carpaccio and both were tasty. I think it was swordfish, anyway. I suppose it could have been sea bass? I can't quite remember clearly as I was getting drunk off Pol Roget, which, I 'm told, is the finest champagne offered there.
Lowes
1700 Ocean Avenue,
Santa Monica, California, 90401
www.santamonicaloweshotel.com
Other than my stay here being an incredibly lucrative evening, there wasn’t much too memorable about this place. It’s huge. It’s on the beach. The service was nice enough, although I found the numbering of the rooms unusual and somewhat problematic when trying to locate my destination The room I stayed in had a balcony with an ocean view, but for the most part, this place struck me as a pretty average hotel. They refer to themselves as a luxury resort, but I wasn’t quite able to identify why. While I don’t have anything negative to say about the place, I didn’t find that anything quality particularly stood out either.
The Mandarin Oriental
66 Knightsbridge
London, SW1X 7LA, United Kingdom
+44 20 7235 2000
http://www.mandarinoriental.com/london/
5000 Kahala Avenue
Honolulu, Hawaii 96816-5498
1.808.739.8888
No matter what location, the Mandarin never fails to please me. I find that there is no recurring theme to this chain of 5 star hotels, but there is a consistence in pleasant service and elegant surroundings. A full review is to come.
The Maritime Hotel
363 West 16th Street
New York, NY 10011
1.212.242.4300
www.themaratimehotel.com
My stay here started with a drink in the bar, located to the left upon my entrance. The bartender was female, and, in accordance with her personality, presented me with a no frills cocktail. After the drink, my dark eyed companion and I went downstairs, outside a step and down some stairs again to have a sushi dinner at Matsuri, a massive darkly lit two-story restaurant filled with the cutest hostesses and servers. My friend and I ordered way too much to eat. I'm pretty sure we ordered the sake black cod, but it could have been the sea bass, I'm not totally sure because by the time we had begun eating we were drunk off our expensive bottle of pink bubbly. Either way, it was pretty tasty.
The rooms are small, but different than the typical hotel room, so the hotel gets points for that. As its name suggest, the hotel has a nautical history, and it's obvious from the looks and feel of the standard rooms. This location might be perfect for a guest that has always liked the idea of staying on a luxury yacht or cruise liner, but has decided against it due to seasickness. What's awesome for a lush or a night owl is that the room service is 24 hours. And for the business traveler, there is free internet service. Oh yeah, and the C.O. Bigelow product smells like peppermint, which may be helpful to wash away any funkiness you may have acquired in the shower built for two...or three, if the company is small and determined.
Nu Hotel
85 Smith Street
Brooklyn, New York 11201
www.nuhotelbrooklyn.com
While this boutique hotel is by no means luxury, I found it sexy enough for me to give mention to it here. If you can look past the fact that this fashionably modern hotel is located directly across from the Brooklyn detention center, you’ll see all the great things that make up for it. For instance, it’s located on Smith Street, right in Cobble Hill and conveniently just steps away from all the café’s, restaurants and shopping that this ridiculously cute neighborhood has to offer. The rates are incredible if you take into consideration the amount of space in the funky, sparkling new rooms, and that a complimentary juice and pastry breakfast is included in your stay as well as free internet access and use of the 24 hour basement fitness center. Should you care to seek entertainment somewhere other than your crispy white bed, there is a cute lounge downstairs in the lobby and if you walk behind the front desk, you’ll see a little nook that pretends to be a bar. It’s tiny, for sure, but it gets the job done. The service is great. The workers seem happy and the vibe is right for young explorers, trendy tourists or business travelers.
The Orlando
8384 W Third Street
Los Angeles, California 90048
www.theorlando.com
At about $300 a night one can find comfort in this modern, European style boutique hotel. Formerly the Beverly Plaza, this little spot off 3rd underwent several million in renovations and is a pretty cute place to stay if you want something that’s not overcrowded or over hyped, and is close to all the fun stuff without being right in the middle of it. If I had known they had a heated outdoor saltwater pool, I would have gone to dip my toes in it. What I did discover while there, is a nice vibey lounge, which makes for a relaxing place to hang out should you be a companion arriving a little too early for your meeting. The rooms offer plenty of space, unlike some other hotels at its rate. And it is connected to the Italian restaurant La Terza, that I don’t recommend, although I’ve gone there several times before simply for it’s convenience in the neighborhood, one I spend quite a bit of time in. I recommend The Orlando for being a cool and unsuspecting place for naughty good times.
The Peninsula
700 5th Ave # 21
New York, NY 10019
1.212.956.2888
1226 Makati City, Metro Manila,
Republic of the Philippines
(63-2) 887 2888
9882 Santa Monica Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA. 90212
www.peninsula.com
Every Peninsula that I’ve had the fortune of staying in has been a good experience. I have always been greeted with a smiling and professional staff, (especially at the Makati City location, where they actually remembered my name), the rooms have always been nice (although I do prefer a more modern vibe), the clientele has always been pleasant, (they are the suit wearing kind), and the lounges have always been a place I feel comfortable sipping away on my over priced cocktails. Out of all the Peninsulas I’ve been to, though, I would have to say the Beverly Hills location is my favorite.
There are four restaurants/bars to choose from at the Beverly Hills location. When taking a seat solo at The Club Bar, I was instantly befriended by the bartender (who’s second job was at a law firm) and two well-dressed men on either side of me. My Ketel soda was strong, which earned the law-tender extra respect from me.
My room at Beverly Hills was nicer than the one in the Philippines, as it overlooked a garden patio. Unfortunately, at the time, there was an unhappy woman on the patio below me, speaking some incomprehensible language angrily into her cell phone. If it weren’t for her, the room and garden would have been quite tranquil. While the room here was probably the smallest of the Peninsula rooms I’ve stayed in, it was also the most cozy. I also thought the bedside LaVazza machine and unending supply of espresso was a nice signature touch. Anything clever, convenient and shiny will always get approval from me. It is the smallest things that entertain me...
Another interesting thing to me was the two Prada wearing prostitutes that came in together and went directly to the elevator. While I was there to do exactly the same thing they were there to do, I couldn’t help but feel something of a cross between disgust and bemusement. As I was walking behind them to get to the room I was staying in, I had the chance to observe their tackiness. One was attempting to hide her eyes behind large dark glasses, but they didn’t do her much good. In a sea of the elegant and business casual clad, she was an obvious out of place tart. Her partner in crime, a woman in a nice black dress carrying a tiny Prada purse, blended in much better; expect that she had thrown her entire cover out the door by pairing her outfit with ridiculous platform stripper stilettos. Both of them giggling like 20 year olds, but were actually, probably just a Restylane and silicone plumped 35. How incredibly dumb and embarrassing for their poor client. Leave it to Los Angeles to try to pass off the worlds biggest bimbos as high-end escorts. Shame on LA and it’s lack of taste! I, on the other hand, inconspicuously slipped by. Looking like (what I was once told by a client) “a rich mans wife”, there was no chance anyone would have looked at me and thought that I was there … ahem … on business…not that kind of business anyway. The show the girls put on was interesting, though.
In addition to all of the other great qualities of this world wide 5 star hotel, one can take comfort in knowing that Britney has been blacklisted! She is absolutely no longer allowed, so rest assured there will be one less talent less, brainless celebutard roaming your otherwise upscale hotel’s hallways. This just goes to show that this place, unlike most in Los Angeles, truly does have class. Now if they can just blacklist platform stripper stilettos…
The Radisson SAS Royal
Hammerichsgade 1
1611 København V, Denmark
+45 3342 6000
http://www.radissonblu.com/royalhotel-copenhagen
The style smack of Ikea, but the service is excellent, the rooms are spacious, the view from the higher floors provides lovely scenery of the town, the water and and endless horizon. The SAS Royal (make sure you specify which Radisson this is to your driver, as there are several in town) is comfy and not all all haughty. With free high speed internet and plenty of meeting rooms, this is a perfect business travelers hotel. I highly recommend Alberto K. Located on the 20th floor, as the venu provides a suprisingly tasty menu and an exquisite dining experience that one would not expect from a hotel like the Radisson. After having champagne, wine tasting and a four course meal there, followed by breakfast the next morning, it was not at all surprising to me to find out that this was rated one of Denmark's best restaurants.
The Ritz
1610 Lake Las Vegas Parkway
Henderson, Nevada 89011
You wouldn't even know you were so close to Las Vegas in this romantic and tranquil getaway. I would absolutely recommend this hotel to someone who loves the desert but doesn't like the sleazy vibe of the LV strip, or wants to visit the strip, but not constantly be surrounded by it's intense energy. The property of the Ritz is very spread out and offers views of beautiful mountains and serene man made lakes. You can take a little walk through a small shopping village on the property, where you can order art for your collection at home, pick up a stuffed animal for a little friend, or sip on margaritas. Golf and water activities are a plenty. Live jazz is always a favorite of mine, so dinner at the Medeci Cafe was both tantalizing and entertaining. My company and I also learned that if you show some appreciation to the housekeeping, it will really go a long way for you. I have all positive things to say about this hotel, except that I couldn't sleep. But that wasn't the fault of the hotel. That was my own fault for thinking that I was safe in the company of a man who believes that a woman should be able and up for providing services at all times of the night (and early morning). Geesh! What a miserable way to learn that when traveling out of town with a weekend companion, an escort absolutely must set boundaries to when and just how often she is available for entertaining!
Room Mate Grace (Formerly Hotel QT)
125 West 45th Street
New York, NY 10036
www.hotelqt.com
It's just one ridiculous name after another with these guys. What's with that?
Anyway, can you believe that after a not so impressive dinner in hole in the wall bar, an arrogant out of towner took me here and actually expected to get laid...for free!? Silly, silly man. I'll give this place credit for being cute. It's modern and not at all as terrible as it's name or its appearance from the outside. However, the rooms are all of three square feet. And any place that brags about being "most affordable" is not exactly the kind of place that inspires my panties to come off.
It's good for business travelers or anyone who wants a budget hotel that still has some personality. This is not a hot date hotel, though. To be honest, I'm not sure a date would fit in the suite with you, that is, unless your date is your palm.
The Rosewood Cresent Hotel
400 Crescent Court
Dallas, TX. 75201
My Middle Eastern companion described it as "the Western version of European" and that "The people are very friendly". I agreed. The stay here was charming and my experience was surreal. It is set up very appropriately for the large number of weddings people have here and I loved that Nobu was just downstairs. It was the only good meal I had the entire time in Dallas. Full review to come.
Sagamore Hotel
1671 Collins Avenue
Miami Beach, FL 33139
I don't know if it was the two level water view bungalow or my date that was sexier, but this place immediately made me want to get naked. Then again, it could have been all that Spencer Tunick art in the lobby that inspired me to drop some drawers of my own.
The pool side service there was happy and friendly and between the pool and the beach accessed through a gate in the pool area, this is easily a place I could lounge all day... for days.
I have two sexy girlfriends who lived in South Beach and claim that this is one of the hottest spots to go, and I can see how. My stay there was during the off season, so the fleshy good times I've heard that exist there weren't entirely obvious to me, but the smell of hotness and fun still lingered in the air.
The room service was decent, although I only had breakfast in the room. Most of my dining was done in the nearby hotel restaurants, or outside at the pool where they offer some pretty tasty salads.
If you know my habits, then you know I have a fondness for taking the products from hotel rooms upon my departure. I just like little mementos. I've got to say though, even if there weren't two hundred other reasons to get a room here, I would still recommend getting a room for the product alone, which is called Spa by Philosophy. It was absolutely fantastic, and you better believe I grabbed as much of it as I could fit into my bag. I've been conservatively using it at home and am sad to say that the life of the product is coming to a quick end. This is a very unhappy occasion for me.
If you end up going here, say, for the abundant art video lounges, sexy dining, the roof top massages, the wild pool parties (rumored to be HUGE) or to get a crisp clean room at this model infested contemporary art hotel, please, please please get your hands on some of that product and send it to me, please.
The Signature at MGM Grand
145 East Harmon Avenue
Las Vegas, NV 89109
While it is meant to be viewed as an upscale section and a finer hotel, The Signature at MGM is still the MGM. Rather than name all the things about this hotel that make it average, I will list the few qualities that make it interesting.
In case you haven’t been, Vegas is pretty well know for it’s tackiness; tacky hotels, tacky shows, tacky dining, tacky hookers, and tacky travelers. These travelers are the kind dressed in Levis shorts and flip-flops. They hold a beer in one hand and an American Spirit in the other while pumping their last modest paycheck into the jaws of coin eating machines so cleverly disguised as hope. Even the high-end Vegas travelers are tacky. For instance, the guys who stay at the Bellagio are essentially just arrogant, old, cigar smoking jackasses with pot bellies and tailored suits who like to talk about how much money they have. If you know me, then you know that I think being rich is fabulous, but talking about being rich is undesirable. I have been to Vegas numerous times, and nothing yet has convinced me that it’s not tacky. In case you missed the point, then allow me to reiterate; the place is tacky.
It’s unfortunate for those who have to stand in line among these people to check into their hotel rooms; so one redeeming quality about The Signature is that there was never a line, even on the weekend. Getting in and out was a breeze, and was done in a lobby that was neither smoky nor noisy. This is a good quality for the business traveler or someone like me, who just can’t stand crowds, screaming children, the maddening sounds of slot machines and general overwhelming noise.
While the room itself was pretty mundane, the feature in it that made it stand out was the mini kitchen, built against the wall. This is the perfect amenity if buffets aren’t your thing, if you’re having an in-room party, or if you plan on having an extended stay. All the appliances are sleek looking and fully functioning, and there is plenty of space to stash your goods. It also comes with silverware and dishes. Beware the microwave, though. It looks fancy, but it’s a little too advanced. I believe a microwave should be simple. The user should press the time they want followed by the start button, and just walk away. But the microwaves at the Signature require a little more thought than that. Only after a careful and embarrassingly close study does one begin to learn how to operate this utility. I suggest learning this before the drinking commences to avoid future drunk frustration and possible explosions.
There is a Jacuzzi tub for two in the bathroom, if you’re into that sort of thing, but I have always found Jacuzzis in hotel rooms uncomfortably cheesy. And to top that off, I was looking all over for the card that described the additional services that one could order with the tub (the one that says something like, “For an additional $500, we will bring a bottle of champagne and candles and put rose petals in the tub”), but no. No such thing existed and I wondered how a hotel could pass up an opportunity to make money like that.
Speaking of soaking, there are three pools at the Signature, one at each tower and all of which are small, quiet and good for a recovery day or a mellow session of sun worshiping. However, if you prefer a party at the pool or desperately want to be seen by the hip young crowd, then you can take a quick walk over to the enormous pool area near the main MGM, where dance music fills the air while playful beer drinking 20 something’s flirt and show off. There are three pools to choose from and even a lazy river, for which you can rent (or steal) a raft to float down. Although, being that everyone there is drunk, standing aimlessly around and stumbling in your way, you may not get very far very quickly. Unfortunately, this was the only time in my three-day stay that I got wet, so despite being stuck in a crowd of drunks, I tried to embrace the moment.
I give this hotel an okay for business travelers, but it’s not sexy enough to be an “impress your date” hotel, classy enough to be an “impress your wife” hotel, or wild and crazy enough to be the bachelorette party hotel.
If you do decide to try this hotel out for yourself, my biggest word of advice to you is to, under no circumstances, go with a schizophrenic drama queen/king, as you may be tempted to throw her/him off the balcony, and that’s just got bad news written all over it.
And don’t forget to press the service button by your door when you leave, or the housekeeping will never come.
St. Regis
2 E 55th Street
New York, NY 10022
www.StRegis.com
The rooms here are spacious, and while a girl like me never pays for the room, I am told that you get more space for a lower rate than at the Peninsula, another 5 star luxury hotel right across the street. While there is plenty of room and objects around to provide an interesting romp, it is a bit on the stuffy side. I can't help but think of my rich grandparents every time I walk into the marble and gold trimmed interior. And what's up with those freaky cherubs? I have never understood the idea behind naked babies flying around, nor do I find it particularly sexy.
The service there is nice enough, although there is room for improvement. I have, on occasion, come across a hint of the attitude that is not uncommon for the typical disgruntled hotel employee. The attendants are dressed in old school pants suit, that, while are fun to look at, I'm sure are an embarrassment to those who have to wear them. And a detail that somewhat made up for the un-sexiness of the gaudy, naked babied interior is the fact that, over my last stay, all the attendants were women. Female butlers - now that's hot.
The beds are comfy and while the showers are a bit cramped, the overall area of the bathroom is quite spacious.
This is a hotel that I would recommend, say, for my Mom, however, it is not one that I can comfortably award many stars for on a sexy scale. I will give it two on a scale of 5. One star for female butlers, and one star for the opportunity its gives to creatively use its abundant space.
The Thompson Hotel
9360 Wilshire Blvd
Beverly Hills, CA 90212
1.310.273.1409
60 Thompson St.
New York, NY.
1.212.431.0400
http://www.thompsonhotels.com/
Thumbs up to its modern decor an playfully sexy vibe. Thumbs not so up for the rooms. If you're planning on staying in the Thompson Hotel, don't plan on an incredibly comfortable nights sleep. If it's any consolation, though, the bars are alluring and it's easy enough to have enough of your chosen poison to put you in a deep enough sleep that you don't notice that the bedrooms are dark, cold and anything but welcoming. Details are on their way.
W
181 3rd St.
San Francisco, CA. 94103
Adjacent to Museum of Modern Art and across street from convention center, the W San Francisco is a playfully sexy place to stay or be seen.
Downstairs offers the upscale casual XYZ restaurant and bar, buzzing with museum guest and the professional but friendly chatter of groups on casual business lunches. The W café, becomes alive right around 6pm with a very attractive suited crowd relaxing with an after work cocktail and the lounge is usually occupied by at least a few people seeking the wi-fi internet access available there (which, unfortunately, is not available in the rooms – only broadband, and it comes with a fee). The cute girls at the concierge are accommodating and know their stuff, almost as well as Ty, the waiter from Chicago whose pleasantry is an asset to the aforementioned restaurant.
The elevators are a visual trip leading to any of the 6 room classes the W has to offer, ranging from 300-900 square feet with rates starting at under $300 a night.
Room 1217 was a good pick for me, as it allowed me to observe the professional lives of the people in the office buildings across the street and because the design made me feel like a hip Asian teenager, something I’ve always aspired to be…Okay, I haven’t really always aspired to be a hip Asian teenager. In fact, I never have. Regardless, that’s what it made me think of. From the sprightly bathroom butterfly’s, to the swirly mirrors on the wall, to the glowing Buddha to the in room kaleidoscope, this colorful room was modern chic meets Japanese schoolgirl. It’s fun, although, I question if the rooms are really suitable for the adult male business traveler, which they seem to get a lot of.
Even the gym pool was playful, decorated with oversized plastic chairs and tables. The pool and hot tub are both located indoors, but you would feel as though you’re outdoors, due to the giant glass roof. These amenities are located to what is perhaps the sleekest and up to date gym I have ever been to in a hotel and of course the Bliss Spa, which I have yet to partake in.
If you’re in a room and expecting company, be prepared to meet them downstairs and escort them back down as they leave. Your visitors won’t be able to get anywhere without the room keys.
201 Park Avenue South
New York, New York 10003
www.starwoodhotels.com
The W here is a little more grown up that that in San Francisco, but despite a slightly more toned down style, it’s still colorful and sassy and is a convenient place for an afternoon drink in the lobby or “living room” as they like to call it, or a night of relaxation after all that shopping you’re been doing at the square. Again, this is another place whose elevators won’t let you anywhere without a card, so should you be expecting a visitor, make sure she or he either has a room key or is met by you. General rule of thumb: when staying at the W, never leave your escort unattended.
Wynn
3131 Las Vegas Boulevard South
Las Vegas, NV 89109
Please see review for The Encore hotel.