I've been in a lot of hotels, and it wouldn't be practical, or all that interesting, to write about all of them here. Instead, I'm keeping this section strictly to hotels who's bed I've been in, that I can remember, and that I am not entirely ashamed to admit to. As with anything on my site, my reviews are only pseudo reviews. While you may learn something through what I've decided to share, and I hope you do, it's meant mostly for entertainment value. Enjoy.

Bacara Resort
8301 Hollister Avenue
Santa Barbara, California 93117
1.877.422.4245
www.bacararesort.com

It wasn't exactly easy to find, but once I got there, my first thought was "Oohhhh, money!", or in more mature words, "How exquisite!" The gigantic fountain was nice decor in in the circular driveway filled with Lamborghini's, Mercedes and various other sport and luxury cars. Denis Miller and company made an appearance in the driveway as well. The grounds are of impressive size and there's nothing but space, glorious space. Once you check in, (or once you have your boy toy check in while you observe the castle made entirely of goodies the pastry chef cooked up) you are taken to your villa style room by cart. The rooms are cute and warm, although a little too cozy for my taste. My companion and I upgraded our room upon check in and although it was nice, it was still fairly small. Do not expect any privacy. These are not the rooms to be stuck if you value your bathroom discretion! The website refers to the resort as serene, and it has the potential to be just that. Unfortunately, this resort is very kid friendly and I went on a long weekend when every parent in central California decided to bring their kids there for family time. It's not that I don't like kids. I love them...as long as I don't have to see them, talk to them, hear them smell them or be anywhere near them. That particular weekend, I had to do all of the above. It completely peeved me that I couldn't get in such a beautiful pool because it was full of spashing, hollering children the entire time I was there. And I was bummed that when I went into the play room to play air hockey with my friend, the little boy butted